Remember Me Remember Me Not
by TheMimicker11
Summary: After an accident at work, Cas is knocked into a deep coma. When he wakes up, he can't remember Dean! But because of a secret, Dean tells him that they're nothing more than friends. Will Cas learn all the things Dean is hiding, including his most deadly one? No actual smut but some 'dot dot dot' moments.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Destiel fic so reviews and points would be great =) please and thank you.**

Chapter 1

Cas groaned as his alarm went off. "Shut up" he grumbled at it. Dean chuckled from his position next to him. "Umm, I'm pretty sure that doesn't work" he said. Dean reached over his fiancé and turned off the alarm. Cas moved into the warm body that now covered him.

"I'm so torn. Get up and go to work and see Charlie or stay here with you" Cas said and kissed Dean. Dean smiled. He loved Cas so much. "Well, you know what I want" Dean said and pecked kisses down Cas's jaw and neck. Dean felt Cas melt underneath him. Cas tipped his head back, allowing Dean more access.

As Dean started to pull at Cas's boxer shorts, the couple heard a loud bang from the kitchen. Dean and Cas jumped up and ran out to the kitchen. They found Dean's brother Sam picking up a pan while cleaning up a half cooked pancake off the floor.

"What happened?" Dean asked. "Well, you and Cas hadn't come out yet so I thought I'd start breakfast." Sam said. He looked slightly disappointed with himself. Cas stepped forward and gave Sam a small smile. "Thank you but I think it'd be best if I make it" he said taking the pan. "I'll go get ready for work and then come switch out with you" Dean said. He gave Cas a chaste kiss then went to go get dressed.

It made him smile as he thought how happy their new life style was. Cas and Dean had been high graduates for about a week. Dean and Sam had been living by themselves for years, with Dean working at Bobby's Auto Shop. Dean met Cas, the shy new student, in his sophomore year. They started dating soon after in secret. Cas's family was super religious and Cas being gay wouldn't pass over well. When the Novak family did find out, they told him he had 5 minutes to pack and get out. That was about 2 months ago, just after Cas turned 18.

Dean came back into the kitchen in a tight AC/DC shirt and jeans a few minutes later. He hugged Cas from behind, wrapping his arms around his waist. Cas smiled and leaned back into the embrace. "I'll take over. You go get dressed for the barn" Dean said into his ear. Cas nodded left to get dressed.

Cas got a job at the stables his parents had always boarded his horse Charlie. She was a red haired jumper mare. He used his paycheck for the board fee and the left over went for the house bills or food with Dean's paycheck.

The ring on Cas's finger caught his eye. At first it made him smile. He was engaged to Dean Winchester! Then he remembered the news that had come only a day before he owned the ring and he bit back tears.

Cas finished getting dressed and walked in the kitchen seeing Dean giving Sam a plate of pancakes. Dean handed Cas a plate and grabbed one for himself. After breakfast, Dean drove Cas to the barn in the Impala. "Bye, I love you" Dean said and kissed Cas. "I love you too. Tell Bobby I said hi" Cas said and got out. He listens to the beautiful black car as it drove away.

He decided to ride Charlie before he started his usual work. Charlie seemed a little squeamish as Cas pulled her out of the stall. He brushed gently her in hopes of calming her down. As he was walking out with the pad that goes under the saddle, he tripped and dropped it at Charlie's feet. The horse spooked rearing back. A hoof caught Cas's head and threw him backwards. His head bounce off the concrete knocking him unconscious.

SPNSPNSPNSPN

Dean was working on a red Camry when the call came. "Someone's on the phone for ya." Bobby called from the office. Dean wiped off his hands and took the phone. "Is this Dean Winchester?" a woman said. "Yeah, what's up?" he asked. "This was the emergency contact for Castiel Novak and-" "What?! Is Cas ok? Where is he?" Dean asked. He felt like his heart stopped.

"There was an accident where he worked, Grand Oaks Farms. He is in a semi stable condition."

"SEMI-STABLE? What the fuck happened?" Dean exclaimed. He was almost in tears. "Just come into Sioux General Hospital and the doctors can explain any questions you have." the woman said. Dean nodded. Realizing she couldn't see him, he whispered an ok. Bobby gave him the rest of the day off to be with Cas.

Dean drove over the speed limit allthe way to the hospital. He ran as fast as he could. "Can I help you?" a woman said behind a desk. "C-Castiel Novak. Where is he?" Dean could barely get the words out. The woman typed away at her computer. "Only family is allowed to see Mr. Novak" she said.

"I'm his fiancé" Dean said showing his ring. The receptionist gave him an untrusting look but gave him the room number anyway. Dean turned into the room and froze. Cas was hooked up to more medical machines than Dean had ever wanted to see. Someone tapped Dean's shoulder. He turned and saw a woman in a white coat.

"Are you Castiel's family?" she asked. "His fiancé" Dean said. Unfazed the woman, who Dean assumed was the doctor, led Dean into the room. She explained how Cas had intense head trauma and was in a deep coma. The possibility of him waking would shrink as the longer he stayed under.

"So I think you should prepare for-"

"No. He'll wake up. He can't leave me and Sam." Dean sat down next to Cas and picks his hand. The doctor gave Dean a sad look and left. Dean kissed each knuckle. "Cas" he whispered "I know this is selfish but I don't care. I can't live my last days without you. And Sam needs someone when I'm gone"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 on Day 2! I'm on a roll. Special shout out to mikeysrevenge and BroadwaybabySM for the reviews. I'm happy you guys are liking it =).**

Chapter 2

Dean pulled up to the barn. As much as Dean wanted to hate Charlie, he couldn't. Cas loved the animal too much. It was three days after the accident and Dean knew Cas would kill him if Charlie was left alone any longer.

Dean brushed the red horse. He wasn't much of a rider but he was capable of working the horse a little bit. He put the saddle on and tightened the girth. He decided to go on the trails instead of riding the indoor jumps. He pulled himself onto the horse. He trotted to the beginning of the trails.

Dean lost himself in thought. He remembered the first time Cas convinced him the get on Charlie. Charlie constantly jumped away from his leg when he queued her too hard too fast. Dean remembered the sound of Cas laughing.

The trees gave away to an open field. Charlie danced like she wanted to run. Dean smiled and let her take off. The adrenaline pounded in Dean's veins as the horse got faster and faster. "Whoa, easy slow down" He said. Charlie slowed to a smooth canter. Dean finished his ride and went to Bobby's. 

As much as he wanted to go to Cas, he had used up all his sick days and couldn't afford to miss any more. After work, Dean went straight to the hospital. He took his usual spot next to Cas. He picked up his hand. "Please Cas wake up" Dean said in a broken voice.

Almost as if on cue, his eyes started to flutter open. Dean smiled with his eyes watering. "Cas!" Dean kissed him. When he pulled back, Dean's heart dropped. Cas look confused and... Scared. Petrified was actually a better term. "Cas? Are you ok?" Dean heard his voice crack.

"I'm not Cas. I'm..." Cas stopped and thought hard. What was his name? It was then the doctor chose to come in. She smiled. "Good to see you awake Mr. Novak. How do you feel?" "Confused with a headache that hurts like a bitch" he said. "Confused? Why?" the doctor asked.

"I don't remember who I am. But I'm guessing I'm, what was it? Cas Novak." Dean run a hand down his face. Then an idea popped into his head. "Hey, Doc, can I talk to you for a second" Dean said and walked out of the room.

Cas watched the strange man and his doctor walk out the room. He listened hard but only caught bits and pieces of the conversation. "I think would be in his best interest" "Do you think _you_ could handle it" there was a long pause. "For him, I could handle anything." Dean walked in without the doctor few minutes later.

"So are you going to explain who you are or are you staying mystery man?" Cas asked. Dean laughed. "Dude, you may not remember who you are, but damn you're still so fucking sassy!" "Whatever just tell me who you are" Cas said rolling his eyes.

"I'm Dean Winchester. We're best friends and roommates. We live with my little brother Sam." Dean said. Telling Cas that they were just friends killed him but it would make Cas's life easier in the long run. The moose then ran through the door. "Cas! Oh dude I was afraid you were a goner! I was so happy when Dean called me" He gave Cas a huge hug. Cas assumed this was Sam.

"Hey Sammy, I need to talk to you." Dean said. Again, Dean left Cas alone. But this time, Cas didn't hear any of the conversation. When they returned, Sam was thoroughly upset. Dean walked in with a cup of bad coffee and a deep frown. "Is everything alright?" asked Cas. "Yeah, the doctor said they're going to keep you here for another 24 hours then your free to go" Dean said putting on a smile. For some reason, Cas could tell he was dying inside.

The next day, Dean and Sam picked up Cas. When Dean started blasting Led Zeppelin, Cas felt a sense familiarity, and comfort. In his two days of memories, he hadn't felt that at all. He smiled.

The scenery was getting more and more rural when Sam asked "Dean, where are we going?" "Well, there's a little girl that is a little mad about not having attention from Cas." Dean explained.

Cas's eyes grew and looked at his finger. Sure enough, he saw a ring on his left finger. "Is she my um fiancé?" Cas asked. Sam and Dean laughed. "No, Cas. First, you're the gayest person I've ever met, including my brother." Dean threw Sam a warning look. "Second," Sam continued unfazed "well, you're about to see"

The Impala pulled into Grand Oakes Farm. Cas looked at the two white barns that stood next to each other. "One has the horses and the other has a jumping course set up." Dean explained. They got out and Dean led Cas to the red horse.

"Cas, meet Charlie, your hunter jumper that you trained yourself" Dean said presenting Charlie. Cas ran a hand over the horse's forehead and nose. He smiled as Charlie's ear perked at the familiar scent of her rider.

"Are you gonna ride?" Sam asked. Cas shook his head. "I don't remember how. I don't want to do anything wrong." Cas said not lifting his eyes from Charlie. Sam shrugged.

Dean looked at Cas. He looked frustrated and sad. "How about we tack her up, and I'll jump on her. You can watch and learn." Dean said with a laugh at the end. Cas smiled a little and nodded in agreement. Dean showed Cas how to properly brush and put on the tack.

When Dean got on, Cas was amazed. The team didn't do anything advanced but Charlie gracefully trotted and cantered with purpose. They didn't go over any jumps because Dean didn't want to fall like the last time he attempted to.

Suddenly, Dean stopped in front of Cas and reached out his hand. "Get on behind me. Maybe if you get a feel of her you might remember" He said. Cas hesitated. He took the hand and Dean pulled him up. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's waist as they walked off.

"Tell me if you feel comfortable enough to trot" Dean said. After going around the ring once or twice, Cas asked to trot. Dean smiled and asked Charlie to move faster. She took off into a smooth long trot. Cas giggled as he found how much he enjoyed it. "What was the other gate you did?" Cas whispered after a moment or two.

Dean laughed and said "This". Charlie picked up a canter. It was faster than Cas would have liked it but the feeling of the muscle working under him made up for it. "Wow" Cas said. He held Dean tighter and looked over Dean's shoulder to see Charlie's red head moving in time to her stride.

Cas felt like he could do this forever. With the feel of Charlie's movement, the small bit of air that whipped his hair, holding Dean. Wait! Holding Dean? The feeling shocked Cas. Had he been holding a secret love for his roommate? Cas tried to shake off the feeling and continue to enjoy the ride.

**So quick question. Should Gabriel make an appearance? He originally wasn't but I'm thinking about throwing him in there. Let me know =)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry to say but Gabriel isn't making an appearance here but he will soon! Review! PLEASE AND THANK-YOU =D **

Chapter 3

They got off and went not long after that. When Dean showed him his room, Cas got confused. "Why do I have much stuff?" Cas asked. "Oh! Um, my room doesn't have a closet so we share this one" Dean's voice sounded shaky. Cas nodded but wasn't fully convinced.

A blush found it way to Dean's face as he said "And um, I kind of slept in your bed while we were away so I was closer to my stuff" He grabbed one of the pillows as Cas laughed. "I could care less. I wasn't here so why couldn't you?" Cas said. Dean shrugged semi sadly.

"I'll order pizza and call you down when it gets here. You can kind of go through your stuff and learn, well um about yourself." Dean walks out of the room. Cas nodded to his back. he decided to start with the books on the self. It was one huge self that went all around the top of the room. His eyes skimmed over the titles. He was shocked by himself. There were things from the Great Gatsby to The Hunger Games.

He then moved to the closet. Half of it was neatly organized with button up shirts, sweater vests and ties. The other half was quite messy with muscle shirts, ripped jeans, and canvas shirts. He had a feeling his side was the neater one.

Cas then moved a rack cassette tapes, records and CDs on the wall by the bed. Most of it was classic rock and roll like Kansas and Led Zeppelin. He had a feeling it was Dean's and assumed there were no other places to put them.

Cas explored the room a little longer before he heard the doorbell. He walked down stairs and saw Dean paying for two pizzas. Cas was behind him as Dean walked in the kitchen. Dean chuckled. "Large Cheese for you and gigantor. Medium Meat lovers for me" He said with smile. Cas was impressed. And Sam was heard running down the stairs.

"Pizza!" Sam smiled and grabbed a plate from the cabinet. "Grab Cas and I a plate will ya?" Dean said. "Um, Dean. I have something semi important to ask." Cas said accepting the plate and grabbing a slice of pizza. "Shoot" Dean said. "Um, what is my rent?" he asked. Sam chuckled. "You have no rent." Dean explained "Well not really. Usually, you use most of your paycheck to pay for Charlie's board then use the extra for taxes or food."

Cas nodded. "So, what type of family do I have?" "The douche bag type" Dean said. Cas gave Dean a look. "Why do you think you live here at 18? They kicked you because you were gay" Sam said. Dean hadn't looked at Cas but Cas could see the anger in his face.

The conversion was changed when Cas asked a different question about himself. There were questions about his job, his favorite movie or song, and, unfortunately to Dean, his love life.

"So am I about to get married or in some sort of relationship?" Cas asked. "No" Dean said as Sam said "It's complicated". Cas rose an eyebrow. "Don't listen to him. I swear, the kid's worst then a teenage girl!" Dean forced a laugh. Sam gave his famous bitch-face. "I'm not a kid. I'm 14." He said.

Dean shrugged. He had moved his hand to his pocket. Painfully, he slipped his ring off.

"So, um how are you? Any headaches or anything like that?" Dean said, eager to get off the conversation of relationships. "I'm fine. Just get weird feelings every now and then" Cas said. That received an excited look from Sam but worried one from Dean.

"What type of feelings?"

"Mainly just familiarity, like my body remembers something in a certain way but my brain doesn't" Cas said. He decided to leave out the sense of adoration he had for Dean. He had no idea what their relationship was outside of roommates. And he really didn't want to get kicked out.

Dean nodded. "Well, maybe that'll led to you getting some memories back." Sam smiled like he was excited about something, but couldn't tell anyone... Or just Cas. Cas just smiled and finished his pizza.

SPNSPNSPNSPN

The next morning, Cas turned off his alarm with a groan. Instinctively, he rolled over and reached for the empty space next to him. This confused him. If he wasn't in a relationship, why does his body act someone should be sleeping next to him?

He looked in confusion at the ring on his finger. It was a simple silver band with one emerald in it. It was the same beautiful color as... NO! Cas shook his head. He couldn't be falling for Dean Winchester! But what if he had already fallen? Maybe those feeling that Dean was lying were really his mind trying to tell him the truth.

He decided to consult Sam. "Well, Dean's a hard guy to read so I-" Sam started "But you know your brother better than anyone. How can you not be able to read him?" Cas cut him off. "How do you know Dean and I are so close?" Sam stated. "I guess I'm good at reading people. I always seem to get this vibe off Dean that he's not telling me something." Cas said.

"Well, of course there are things that he hasn't told you!" Sam said "Your life is pretty complicated and can't be explained in one or two conversations" Cas rolled his eyes. "No, smartass. I mean something big. And you're helping him."

Sam bit his lip. "I'll tell you this. Dean, he worries about us. Dean's just trying to do his best to make our lives easier." Cas opened his mouth to asked more questions on the subject but Sam held up his hand and said "That's all I'm going to say. If you want more information, talk to Dean."

That night, Cas told himself he would demand answers from Dean. But when he entered the kitchen, he stopped. Dean had done so much for him already. If there was something big, Dean would tell him when Dean wanted to. Not when Cas wanted to know.

So instead of demanding answers to questions, Cas demanded to help with dinner. Dean smiled and nodded. At first they maneuvered around each other in perfect harmony. But then they ran into each other. It was an unfortunate event for the glass jar of Ragu, but Dean and Cas just froze.

Cas saw Dean make a small movement, as if to kiss him. But Dean sadly took a step backward instead of finishing the started task. "Sorry" was all he said. Cas wasn't sure if it was for the movement to kiss or the poor Ragu jar.

**P \_ 3 $ 3 R 3 \/ | 3 VV! =D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok… don't kill me for not updating. I have a life! Usually… So now here's the promised Gabriel chapter. By the way, was I the only one who was thrown onto an emotional roller coaster due to the last episode? Hope not… Well, enjoy the chapter and PLEASE REVIEW =D**

Chapter 4

Weeks went by. Cas restarted his job at the stables. They had paid for his medical bill in fear of being sued. Little did they know Cas didn't have his rich powerful family behind him. He also started to ride by himself again. Cas quickly remembered how to use his leg muscles to hold on and was jumping again in no time.

One day when looking for his phone before he left for work, Cas found a pillow stashed behind the couch. That night when Dean and him came home, Cas asked him about it. Dean laughed it off. "It's just in case I come home drunk and don't make it to my room."

That's when Cas realized that he didn't know where Dean's room was. The house had only one floor. In the hallway where the rooms were, there were three doors. Cas's room, Sam's room and a bathroom. Cas then assumed that they couldn't afford a bigger house and Dean was too proud to say that he just slept on the couch.

Through the weeks, Cas feelings for Dean grew. It almost hurt. The more Cas told himself to stay away, the more he seemed to be pulled into Dean's, well, _Deanness. _Dean kept himself out of a serious relationship with Cas though. He knew Cas was falling for him again. But if Cas let him in, he'd only have more heartbreak later.

But to get the truth out there, Dean was failing. He was failing extremely in not leading Cas on. If Cas said or did something that was, well, just really _Cas,_ Dean would almost slip in saying the three words he missed telling him.

One day he slipped though. Cas was talking to Dean as they made dinner. "One good thing about losing my memory, I can re-read all my favorite books and it'd be like reading it for the first time!" Cas laughed. "God Cas! That's why I love you!" Dean said threw laughs.

Cas froze. "What did you say?" "I-I um" Dean almost hit himself. "As a friend?" Cas said. Dean gave him a small smile "Yeah as a friend." Cas nodded. Dean didn't miss the sadness he was trying to hide. Dean didn't know how much longer he could hold onto this story. But he had too. For Cas.

And as Cas was falling, Dean seemed to be changing. His tanned skin lost most of its color. Dean took ibuprofen like his life depended on it. He coughed constantly he came home from work more tired than he did a few weeks ago. Cas really wanted to approach him about it. Too nervous to talk to Dean, he told Sam.

Sam sadly nodded. "Yeah, I know. Its hard not to notice. But hey! It's the darkness before the dawn right? He'll be better in no time!" Sam put on an unenthusiastic smile. This made Cas think that Dean actually may not bounce back.

There one thing that neither Sam nor Dean could have guessed. And that was Cas's family coming. It was about a month or so since Cas had been out of the hospital when there was a knock on the door. Sam was in his room and Dean was making lunch so Cas got it. He opened the door to see short man with honey hair.

"May I help you?" Cas asked. The man gave a humorless chuckle and pulled a sucker out of his mouth. "Really, Cassie? I know you and the fam had a falling out but..." "I don't know what you're talking about." Cas asked very confused. "Castiel, come on. I know you're not an idiot" the man was starting look very frustrated. "Um, Dean, can you come here?" Cas called out. "Yeah, call your boyfriend" the man mumbled.

When Dean appeared at the door, he was totally shocked to see the man there. "What are doing here?" Dean asked. "Thank-you. See, I'm not that easy to forget, Cassie" he said with alittle attitude in his voice. "Um, Cas, can you go finish the burgers? I'll explain the situation to him" Dean said. Cas nodded and went to the kitchen.

Because Dean was grilling outside, Cas couldn't hear the conversation but he saw the reactions. He saw shock then concern then sadness then... Was that disapproval? That confused Cas. Was this man disapproving the way Dean was handling the situation? He personally was happy.

After what looked like Gabriel explaining his presence, Dean's posture relaxed and he let Gabriel in. By then, Cas had put the cooked burgers on a plate and was walking in. "Cassie, I'm so sorry! I had no idea" Gabriel exclaimed. "It's ok, um..." Cas said biting his lower lip. "Gabriel, I'm your cousin. My family's here from Phoenix." Gabriel explained.

"Why are you here? As obviously know, my family and I had a bit of a falling out" Cas said. It bothered him that none of his family had come to see him since the accident. It's odd not being able to remember the faces of your own mother or father.

"Well, I miss you. You were the only cool one in our family not including me of course." Gabriel smiled. Cas rolled his eyes. "Ok, Gabriel. You think that" Dean chuckled as Cas said that.

Gabriel glared at Dean and stated "You've corrupted him" "In more ways than one" Dean laughed. Cas rose an eyebrow. Realizing what he said, Dean cleared his throat and quickly said "How about you stay for lunch Gabe? I made a few extra" Gabriel smiled "Sure, I told the fam that I'd be out for a while so why not"

Cas smiled. It'd be nice to get to know something about his family. As Gabriel sat down, Cas quickly took the spot next to him. "So, what are my parents like?" he asked before Gabriel even picked up a burger. "Easy tiger, grab some grub" Gabriel laughed. After he took a bite, Gabriel said "Shoot, I'm ready for any question you got"

Cas thought for a second. "I… I just want to know everything" he finally said. If you want the truth, Cas's thirst for knowledge about his parents bothered Dean. Most likely because he knew the truth about the douche bags.

"Well, they're crazy religious. Like, Mass plus three hours of meditation so… Not much fun" Gabriel explained. "What else?" Cas asked. He was hopeful that some part of his parents was good people, not just the jerks he heard about. Gabriel seemed to sense this from his little cousin.

"I hate to tell you this Cas but… The Mr. and Mrs. Novak you have in your head don't line up with the real ones. They're closed minded, prejudices, and a big bag of dicks. Sorry to break it to you" Gabriel sent Cas a sad look. He wanted to say it a little nicer but he didn't know how.

Cas looked at his hands in his lap. He shook his head and said "I should have just known. I mean, they kicked their own son out for being gay. I guess that should have been the first sign of douche-ness" He chuckled humorlessly.

"Well, let's forget those arrogant dicks, enjoy me while you got me" Gabriel smiled and took a bite of his burger. Cas laughed. "Ok, let's have some fun"

**Thank you everyone who chooses the right thing and clicks that review button. It's right there… calling your name…**


	5. Chapter 5

**So I wrote this alongside Chapter 4 so I just had some finishing touches before I posted it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I loved writing it. Let me know about your feels in the reviews =D Please and thank you**

Chapter 5

It was almost two months since the accident and Cas broke. When Dean picked him up from work, Cas asked him "Dean what was our relationship like before the accident?" "You were, and are, my best friend. There isn't anyone who knew me better. Well, maybe Sam." Dean replied. He was shocked when Cas exclaimed "No it wasn't. There's something you aren't telling me!" As I said before, Cas was done with the lies.

Dean looked like he was a kid who's his hand just got caught in the cookie jar. "I-I don't-" "I can see it on your face Dean Winchester. There something you aren't telling me." Dean's eyes were pleading him to shut up and continue on with his life.

Cas wanted, no, _needed _the truth. "Please, Dean. I may not know you as well as I use to but I can still tell when you and Sam are hiding something." Cas was begging.

Suddenly Dean pulled to the side of the road. "Cas, please. I know you want to know. But if you do, it'll only hurt down the line and I don't want you to feel that pain" Dean had turned in his seat and was looking Cas square in the eyes. Each word the most sincere thing that had ever left his mouth.

"If I knew what was going on before the accident, I want to know now." Cas demanded. Dean opened his mouth to spill out another lie, but he knew Cas would call him out. And Dean was done with the lies too. He actually thought he'd be dead by now.

"Castiel James Novak, you'll never, _never_, understand how much I love you." Cas's head snapped back up. "When I tell you this," Dean said leaning back into the chair "it's going to make me sound like a jerk. Maybe you'll hate me. But I did what I thought was right. What I thought would hurt you less in the long run.

"I told you we were friends so maybe you would treat me like a friend. Love me like a friend. Mourn me like a friend. It would hurt less. I guess your mind had other plans. That ring you wear, yeah, I gave it to you. We wanted to get married before I..." Dean looked at his hands and tried to hold back the tears forming.

"Before what? What do you mean by mourn?" Cas asked. Dean bit his lip and shook his head. "I'm sorry but... I d-don't want to tell you. Not yet" Dean clutched his hands and wiped away his running tears.

Cas didn't know what to say. He was in total shock. Knowing Dean's reaction to the information he almost told... he almost didn't want to know now. But only almost. Dean took Cas's silence as rejection. "I-if you want I'll help you move" Dean said. His tears soaking his face. He had just screwed up one of the only good things in his life.

Cas threw his arms around Dean. "No, I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me" he said. Dean smiled into the crook of Cas's neck as he wrapped his arms around him. "Good." Dean said. He looked at Cas's beautiful blue eyes. Cas then connected their lips.

When he pulled away, Cas blushed " Sorry, I've been wanting to do that for a while" Dean laughed and said "Don't be". Then Cas kissed him again. Cas moved his lips against Dean's. He felt Dean's tongue ask for entrance. He opened for him and fought for dominance. Eventually, he caved into Dean.

Dean couldn't hold himself back. He missed Cas. From the way he would read a book while curled up with Dean watching Batman to the way he hated waking up in the morning. The past two months have been more than torture physically from well… but mentally from Cas. He promised not to leave Cas again. Never.

Dean carded his hands threw Cas's hair and pulled him closer. Cas moved them so he was straddling Dean's hips. He gasped into Cas' lips when Cas began to move his hips a little. Dean moved his hands down Cas's sides "Dean" he moaned.

Dean was suddenly knocked back out into reality. "Cas" he panted "We need to stop" Cas pulled back with a little hurt in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but Dean quickly cut him off. "I don't want your first memory of us together as sex in the car. It needs to be special" Dean could have cared less how corny he sounded, this was Cas.

Cas smiled and gave him a small peck on the lips. "Let's go before Sam gets worried then" Cas said and slid back over to his seat.

When they arrived home, Cas asked "So, what exactly are we? Boyfriends or..?" Dean leaned over to whisper "We exactly what you want us to be" Cas smiled and placed a small kiss on Dean lips. "Looks like you're stuck as my boyfriend."

Dean laughed. "I'm perfectly ok with that"

SPNSPNSPN

Sam knew something was up right as Dean walked in. He had different bounce to his step and he looked... Happy. Like _actual_ happiness not his usual don't-bother-me-I'm-fine smile. It was when Cas walked in that he knew exactly what was up. His hair was a lot more messy than usual and his eyes watched Dean every move with a new look. A look with some possessiveness.

When Cas went upstairs to put on some more comfortable clothes Sam said "I know" "Know what?" Dean asked. "You and Cas are back together. Finally!" Sam exclaimed. Dean rose an eyebrow and asked "How did you know?" Sam smiled at his theory being verified. "I'm the smarter brother remember? I know things."

"Bitch"

"Jerk" Sam was grinning like an idiot. Cas came back down in a t shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He gave the brothers a questioning look. "He knows" Dean said. "How? Did you tell him without me?" Cas asked. "Do you guys have no faith in me? I know you guys better than anyone. I live with you!" Sam stated.

Cas chuckled at his small outburst. For the truth, Cas was alittle worried. He wasn't 100% sure how Sam was going to react. Luckily, that was the reaction Cas has hoped for. Well… not exactly but close.

"So, what gave it away?" Dean asked and pulled a beer out of the refrigerator. "You look happy, like genuinely happy. And Cas is rockin' some sex hair over here." Sam explained and nodded at Cas. Cas bit his lower lip and blushed. Dean just laughed.

This was the perfect way to start their relationship Cas couldn't help noticing. Yeah, there were some secrets, but Dean would tell him in his own time. Sam was more than thrilled to see them together. What could go wrong?

**Everything Cas Everything. Well hope you enjoyed this quickly written chapter. Please Review =)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry to say but this chapter is shorter than my usual short chapters. But it's an adorable second first date =D #fluff and I love it! Let me know what you think about Dean's idea for an awesome first date **

**P.S. Huge thanks to mikeysrevenge. They have been here since the beginning have fail to forget to review. Also to Gustin azza who came in later but still has a review for each chapter. Thanks so much love you guys =D**

Chapter 6

It was the big night. Dean was taking Cas out for the first time... Again. Dean wanted to surprised Cas for tonight. It seemed really small and semi meaningless to someone who didn't understand. But Dean understood. And soon Cas would too. Again.

Dean sat on the couch with his butterflies going crazy. But why? This was Cas! Dean had already done this once before. But again... It was Cas. Cas came down the hall wearing a soft blue button up and jeans. Dean stood with a smile. "Damn, I am so happy to know I don't have to hide checking you out now" he commented. Cas rolled his eyes.

Dean took Cas's hand and led him out. They got into the Impala and drove off. Cas bit his lip. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?" he asked. Dean threw him an excited smile. "You'll see. I'll have to explain it to you but I think it'll be perfect." Dean explained. Cas smiled and rolled with.

A few minutes later, they pulled up to a drive-in movie theater. Cas threw Dean a confused look as Dean paid for the tickets. "I guess I should explain now" Dean commented. "You think" Cas laughed. "Well, about 3 1/2 years ago,we wanted to go on a date but was afraid your parents finding out so, we came here. There's literally only 10 or 15 people who knows it's even here." Dean smiled. "And because no one comes here... I asked for them to play the same movie we saw then too."

Cas's jaw dropped. He had never... How did Dean... What the actual hell? How had he gotten a guy like Dean?

Dean chuckled at Cas's reaction. Cas leaned over a placed a small kiss on Dean's lips. Dean chuckled into Cas's lips and said "As much as I'd love to continue this... The movie's about to start." Cas laughed and they moved out of the car. Dean placed a blanket on the hood. "Be careful of the paint" Dean cautioned.

Cas smiled and laid down. Suddenly, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey started playing. Cas looked at Dean with a smile. "What? I had to culturally teach you 3 years ago. So I started with a good one." Dean explained. Cas nodded and moved closer to Dean. Dean wrapped his arms around him and pulled him the rest of the way to him.

About halfway through, Cas felt Dean's eyes on him. He turned and saw Dean smiling down at him. Dean then leaned down and gently kissed him. When he pulled back Cas smirked. "That's all you got?" he asked. "Nope" Dean answered with a mischievous look in his eye. Cas wasn't sure if he sure be excited or nervous.

Dean's hands had traveled to his sides but instead of the hot make-out he was expecting,... Dean started tickling the hell out of them. Cas started laughing uncontrollably. He started flailing his arms in an attempt to get Dean off, but Dean quickly grabbed them in one hand and continued with the other.

"Dean! ...Please STOP!" Cas said threw laughs. Dean laughed "You don't sound like you want me to stop" Cas attempted to put on his best serious face. "Dean... Whatever your middle name is Winchester, stop right this instant"

Dean started laughing and he let go of Cas so he could hold his stomach. "I don't have one" Dean said threw laughs. "What?" Cas asked. "A middle name! My mom never gave one to me" Dean explained. He had calmed down his laughs. "Fun Fact about Dean No-Middle-Name Winchester." Cas stated.

"Exactly, now I like this movie so let's watch it" Dean smiled and laid back down. Cas laid down like he was, close and warm. They finished the movie and got ready to go home. Once they were in the car, Cas said "Thanks Dean. This means a lot to me." Dean's jaw dropped. "What?" Cas asked. "That's_ exactly_ what you said last time." Dean said breathlessly.

At first, Cas didn't know what he meant. But then he realized it. Last as in their _first_ first date. Wow.

As they walked through the door Cas said "You shouldn't sleep on the couch in your own house." "This is our house. And there aren't any other rooms so..." Dean shrugged. "You could always move back in with me" Cas quietly stated. "I don't want to make you feel..." Dean started but Cas cut him off with a kiss.

"Come on" Cas smiled and pulled Dean to their room. Cas really like the sound of that. They slept in the same bed that night and had the best night's sleep since the accident.

**Please review Darlings!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey there lovelies! Sorry for lack of update but school is kicking me in the ass. I'll be out in about 16 days, then I can finish this up for all of you =). I plan on about 3 more chapters and maybe MAYBE a prequel. So please review, I would like to know what you all think is up with Dean. And tell me all your feelings about yesterday's season finale. Personally, I'm slightly dead inside. **

**But enough about me, off to the story!**

Chapter 7

Dean woke up before Cas and his dreadful alarm. It's been about 3 weeks since their movie date. Since then, Sam decided to tell them he was dating the girl down the street, Jess, for about a month. Yes, a freaking month. I'm not going to go into the details of how mad Dean was, but let's just say God most likely shivered in fear. But at the end, Dean was happy that Sam had grown a pair and asked her. But, since Sam didn't tell anyone, there were some repercussions.

"Jess and I have to what?!" Sam exclaimed. "Go on a double date with Cas and I. We want to meet her" Dean said and leaned back in his seat. "We would like to meet and get to know her. I promise to hold Dean back on embarrassing you... too much" Cas smiled. Sam ran his fingers threw his too long of hair. "Fine... but Jess and I choose where we go" Sam said.

"No movies" Cas and Dean quickly said in sync. "Why not?" Sam asked. "We want to talk to her, not watch you guys make out" Dean said. "You guys didn't even wait for the lights to dim last week at Captain America!" Sam exclaimed. Dean nodded in agreement as Cas mumbled "Touché"

"But I still want to be able to have a solid conversation with her." Dean said. Sam rolled his eyes. "Whatever, I'll text her and see what she could do" Sam said and walked to his room. "I'll give you ten bucks if he going to tells us that she only wants to see a movie" Cas said. "Babe, I'll give you a blow job if he doesn't" Dean smiled.

Cas laughed. "Well, let's hope he says dinner" he said with a wink. Dean leaned over and kissed Cas. "Let's hope" he whispered. Cas went in for another kiss. As Dean began to move his lips, Sam came down the stairs. "Seriously, guys? I wasn't even gone 5 minutes!" he exclaimed.

"Hey, this was your idea! Even back in high school" Dean said. "What?" Cas asked. "Yeah, Sam's the one who kinda set us up" Dean said. "You'll have to tell me that story someday. But I think Sam has come back to tell us some important information" Cas replied and turned to Sam. "Uuuu she hasn't replied but I was coming down to grab my homework" he pointed to his backpack sitting in the corner.

"Oh well tell us soon." Dean said. Sam rolled his eyes and retreated once again to his room. About 2 episodes of Doctor Sexy later Sam came down and said that Jess wouldn't mind going bowling. "Yes! I win" Cas smiled at Dean who shrugged. "Dang it" he said but he obviously wasn't disappointed.

"What did you...? Wait, with that smile from Dean, I have a feeling I don't wanna know" Sam raised a hand and walked away. "Just keep your ears plugged tonight" Dean yelled after him. Cas hit him in the arm. "Dean! Save some of your brother's innocence" Cas stated. "Trust me, we ruined his innocence awhile ago" Dean laughed and kissed Cas.

"Well then, how about we go fulfill your promise" Cas whispered against his lip. Dean smiled and pulled him up to their room.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

That Friday, Dean, Cas, and Sam pulled up to the two story townhouse that Jess lived in. Dean and Cas went with Sam to meet Jess's mom. Mrs. Moore explained that Jess was to be home by 10. She seem skeptical about letting her daughter go with three teenage boys but let her go.

"So, Jess tell us a little about yourself." Cas asked breaking the silence. "Well, I'll be a sophomore like Sam this fall." She started "I'm on the cheer team. I was on JV last year and I hope to be on varsity this year."

"Wait, let me get this straight. Sammy, my nerd of a brother, got a _cheerleader?" _Dean asked. That got him a glare from Sam and Cas. Dean shrugged. "I was just wondering how that happened" Cas rolled his eyes. "Just ignore his comments. He can be nice every now and then" Cas said. "What are you talking about? I'm fucking perfection on a silver platter" Dean stated playfully. "Obviously our definition of perfect is very different" Cas laugh.

"That's not what you said last night" Dean smiled at Cas mischievously. Cas blushed and Sam gapped at them. "Really?" he asked. "I'm just stating the truth. Can't have my reputation ruined" Dean said. Jess was just laughing. She was happy about how un-awkward this was going. She'd rather have this over silence.

The group pulled up to the bowling alley and went in. When they were putting on their shoes, Cas sprayed his with disinfectant. "Is something wrong with the shoes?" Sam asked. "No, just I don't know whose feet have been in here. They could have had a foot fungus." Cas theorized. Dean laughed. "You're so gay. It's awesome" he joked with a kiss on Cas's cheek. "You say as you kiss me" Cas laughed.

During the game, the brothers got a little more competitive than needed. The game was tied between Sam and Dean when Sam rolled a strike. "Ok, not fair! The guy's arm is a mile over the line. He's closer." Dean exclaimed. "Not my fault I'm tall" Sam smiled. "We need to do something to stunt his growth... I heard coffee or something like that does it" Dean suggested.

Jess and Cas on the other hand were just sitting back and enjoying the brotherly banter. "Are they always like this?" Jess asked through giggles. "Jess, you haven't even seen the worst of it yet. Try living with them" Cas laughed. "Why do you live with them? Don't you have somewhere else?" Jess asked not knowing Cas's story. Nonchalantly shrugging, Cas answered "Why not?" Unable to think of an answer, Jess turned back to the boys.

After a few games, they took Jess back to her home. Sam, of course, walked her up to the door. "What a gentleman" Dean chuckled. "You walk me to the door" Cas challenged. "We live together!" Dean exclaimed. "So? Don't make fun of your brother." Cas stated.

After a minute or two, Sam came back. He had an extra bouncy step and was smiling like an idiot. Those lips seemed to be a little swollen. Dean chuckled, catching onto what happened on Jess's doorstep. "What?" Sam asked. "You kissed her" Cas simply stated. "That obvious?" Sam whispered. A blush creeped its way into his cheeks.

"Personally, I think they did a little more than a simple peck" Dean smirked as he started the Impala. Sam shook his head but didn't deny Dean's proposition.

**Please Review! =D**


	8. Chapter 8

So the chapter may have been too much fun to write but whatever. This does have adult themes in it so beware. This song isn't mentioned but Easton Corbin's song All Over The Road inspired a certain part. And the only reason I know this song is because my best friend is obsessed with country music, not me. So enjoy and please review =)

Chapter 8

Three months. That's how long Cas and Dean have been back together but no sex. Yeah they've done some 69ing but nothing much farther. To tell the truth, Cas had been scared. But not anymore. It was falling into November and this weekend was when he decided to grow a pair a do it. And he had the perfect plan.

"Hey, Dean how would you feel about going to a concert down in town at the bar there?" Cas asked one day. Dean thought for a second. "Sounds fun. Do you know who'd be playing?" He responded. "A cover band called the 'Panickers'. They do Panic! at the Disco mainly but the article said they did some other alternative bands too."

"How someone did their research" Dean laughed. "So, when are they playing?' "This weekend" Cas replied. "Okay, I'll let Sam know. Maybe he can go out with Jess while we're out" Dean said. "Sounds good" Cas smiled. So far so good.

SPNSPNSPNSPN

That night, Cas was ready. He had on the tight black jeans that made Dean stare at his ass. His t shirt clung to his lean muscles. With a smile, Cas left the house. Dean had to do some tuning up on th Impala before they went to the concert. As Cas walked up to him, Dean seemed to be resisting the urge to drop his jaw.

"You okay?" Cas asked. He already knew the answer but he still asked. "Y-yeah. Ready to go?" Dean stammpered out. Cas chuckled quietly and said "would I be out here if I wasn't?" Dean thought for a second and nodded.

When they arrived, Cas almost gasped at the sight. In this small bar (made for about 200 at the most) there were at least 350 people were packed into there. The lights were dim and some people already had drinks in their hands. Most of the them may have already had too much.

Dean order himself a beer and Cas a coke and rum. When the drinks arrived, the band entered the stage. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen" the leader singer said "I welcome you all to our show. Now let get it started!" the lead guitarist started strumming madly to what Cas recognized as 'Time to Dance' by Panic! at the Disco.

Downing the rest of his drink Cas turned to Dean. "Let's dance" he said and pulled Dean to the dance floor. They were packed closely together with other couples dancing. Cas started moving to the beat and went a little crazy. It was hard not to in the environment they were in.

Dean was a little taken back by Cas's odd change in behavior. Even back before the accident, Cas had never really did stuff like this. Dean didn't mind that much though. It was nice to see his boyfriend let go. "So what's go on? You're acting little weird." Dean laughed as Cas started dancing with the beat.

Cas put on a mischievous smirk. "I just have a good night planned." he turned and started to dance his way to the front of the stage. Slightly dumbfounded, Dean followed. Because of all the people, he lost sight of the changed Cas. He found Cas up close to the stage, dancing in way that almost made Dean hard right then there. He came up behind him and pressed himself to Cas's back.

"What were you thinking leaving me like that?" he almost growled into Cas's ear "anyone who wanted you could have picked you up""Well, I'm happy it was you then" Cas smiled and ground into him a little.

The next song started and Cas knew it right away. How could he not love The Cab's Angel with a Shotgun? He screamed the lyrics and danced his heart out. Dean smiled. He loved Cas. So much it almost made his heart burst.

They stay almost all night, picking up new songs and losing their minds in the music. Dean wasn't drunk at all but Cas could feel a small buzz. Not large enough to be drunk but enough to let go a little. It was almost four in the morning when the band ended.

"We're going to close with Vegas Light by Panic! at the Disco. Thanks for a awesome night!" The lead singer yell and started the song. Cas didn't know the song but made a mental note on it. He was dancing against Dean. Why did this night have to end? They were having the most fun that they've had since junior year at prom.

After Vegas Lights, they got into the Impala to go home. Cas curled up close to Dean. "I've had so much fun tonight. We have to do this again." Cas breathily said into his ear. Dean smiled and kissed him. Cas decided to heat it up and started to move his lips. Dean turned and pinned down Cas to the seat. "We need to get home. Now." Cas said against Dean's lips.

Dean pulled back, confused. Cas gave him a look. "You've already said the first time wasn't going to be car sex." he stated with a sarcastic glint to his eyes. Dean's jaw dropped. "A-are you sure?" he asked. Cas gave him another heated kiss. "You better take that as a yes" Cas stated.

Dean quickly turned on the Impala. As Dean was driving, Cas couldn't hold himself back. He was kissing Dean's neck and jawline. Dean started shifting, trying the get some relief for his raging hard on. And keeping the Impala between the line was virtually impossible. But Dean didn't realize how bad it was until he heard sirens.

Dean pulled over fear playing in his stomach. The cop came up to the window and shined a light on Dean's face. "Sir, have you been drinking tonight?" he asked. "No" Dean answered a little too fast. The officer wasn't convinced. "Can you step out of the vehicle?" the officer took a step back to let Dean out.

With a frustrated sigh, Dean opened his car door. The cop's eyes widened slightly when he saw the tent in Dean's pants. He looked in the car and saw Cas, who gave him a smile that said 'I know you know what's going to go down between him and I.' The cop suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"You know what," he said "I'm just going to give a warning so you go and um... yeah. Bye" The cop turned to go back to his car. Dean was slightly surprised and quickly got back into the Impala. "You stay over there. I never want that to happen again." Dean said. Cas laughed as the Impala roared to life. "Well drive faster then" Cas gave Dean sarcastic look.

Dean Winchester has never driven so fast in his life.

They were on each other before they even got in the door. Dean had one arm tightly around Cas as the other one attempted to unlock the door. "What. About. Sam? I don't. Want to. Have to be . Quiet." Dean asked between kisses. Cas pulled back and sassily stated "Do you really think I didn't think of that?" "I'm so lucky to have a well organized man" Dean then opened the door and pulled Cas up to wrap his legs around his waist.

They stumbled to their room. Dean pinned Cas downed to the bed. "is the lube still..." Dean started. "in the top drawer on your side? Yes" Cas stated. "God, your organization is SUCH a turn on right now" Dean said and smashed their lips together. "i'll keep that in mind" Cas said against the kiss.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

The next morning, Cas's boss called at 9 in the morning. "Chuck, What's wrong?" Cas asked groggily. "Nothing, it just I know you live kinda close and Michael, the weekend hand has a doctor's appointment and isn't able to feed the horses. Could you run out here?" he asked. "Yeah, I'll be there" Cas told him in an annoyed voice. "Thanks! I'll give a pay raise" chuck said and hung up.

"Who was that?" Dean asked from his position curled next to Cas. "Chuck, I have to go feed the horses." "Mmmm, no you don't" Dean said smiling at him. Cas rolled him eyes. "Sorry, but I do. I can't get fired." Cas unwillingly rolled out of bed. "I guess I'll have breakfast ready when you get home" Dean said. "Sounds awesome" Cas smiled and resisted the urge to kiss Dean. He knew he would never make it to the barn if he did.

Cas drove the Impala to the barn quickly. He sorely walk into the barn and started feeding. 'I really hoped my body had been use to this' he laughed to himself. When he was almost done, Cas's phone started ringing and it was Sam. That was odd.

"Hello" Cas said into the speaker. His heart dropped as Sam said "Cas? Get to the hospital now... It's Dean"

Muahahahahahahahaha! My first real cliffhanger! But sorry to say this is the last time I'll be updating until mid-June =( I hate school...


	9. Chapter 9

**So, I found myself with some extra time in study hall and was able to whip this up. Once I started writing I couldn't stop. I hope you all enjoy and feel the feels **

Chapter 9

Cas rushed into the hospital. Sam wouldn't tell him anything about what was going on and it was killing him. Cas quickly found Sam in the lobby. He was told Dean's room number and took off down the hallway. Sam didn't follow him. He had no desire to see what was about to go down.

When Cas charged through the door, Dean was finishing a conversation with his doctor. "I'm sorry, Mr. Winchester. I truly am." he said and left Dean and Cas to themselves. "Dean, what's wrong? Why is he sorry?" Cas demanded. Dean looked at Cas with watery eyes. "Come here" he said. Cas took a seat next to Dean who picked up Cas's hand.

"This... This is what I couldn't tell you" Dean started. Cas gave him a confused look. "I- I have what the doctors say is called non-hodgkin lymphoma. I was never really able to understand any of their explanation... but I do know it has something to do with my white blood cells. I was fast growing and really far along when I first came here. The doctors gave me about 6 months to live... and that was about 9 months ago.

Cas was shocked. He just sat there, not knowing what to say or do. Back in August, Cas would have been begging for an answer. But now... he wish he never had to know. That he could just get hit in the head again and it'd just go away.

Eventually, Cas crawled onto the hospital bed and huddle close to Dean. Dean put his arm around tried him to hold back tears. But when Cas started crying into his chest, Dean let the tears flow.

The idea of leaving Cas hurt more than the cancer. The idea of never seeing Sam change the world made him curse that bitch called Fate.

"Cas, I need you to know that I have something set up for you and Sam." "Don't worry about us..." Cas started. "Like hell I'm not going to worry! I love you, so much. You and Sam are the only things in my life I did right. So I'm not leaving you hanging" Dean shifted himself and Cas so they were looking at each other.

"I have 2 extra bank accounts set up. One for you and one for Sam. Sam's is for his college and don't you never EVER let him convince you otherwise. He's too smart not to go. Yours is to go toward Charlie. I know how much she means to you and you can't sell her. I'll be turning over in my grave."

Cas let out a painful chuckle. "I promise I won't, we'll never separate. And Sam's going to go to one of the best schools ever like Stanford or Harvard." Cas said as tears fell silently. Dean used his thumb to wipe them away.

"I'm so sorry Cas. Part of me wishes..."

"If you say you never met me, Dean, pray to the Lord I hold back my anger." Cas almost spat. He held Dean's face and pressed their foreheads together. "I don't regret anything, Dean Winchester. Not one damn thing." Cas said. Dean nodded and pulled Cas as close as possible.

SPNSPNSPNSPN

Sam was still in the lobby when Jess got there. Yeah, he had lots of friends he could have called but he wanted her to come. She took the seat next to him and asked "Sam, what's wrong?" "D-Dean... I was at Garth's last night and I came home and he was just..." Sam was barely able to spit out the words out. Jess wrapped her arms around him.

"Will he be ok?" Jess asked. "No... he has cancer and he's going to die any day" Sam said. His voice cracked as his tears poured from his eyes to Jess's shoulder. Not knowing what to say, Jess just held him.

"Does... Does Cas know?" she asked when Sam's crying started to cease. Sam nodded. He told her everything from Cas's accident to how exactly he got to the hospital.

"You should go talk to him" Jess told him "It wouldn't surprise me if he really wants to talk to you" "And say what to him? I'm sorry you're the one dying? I sorry Fate's a hormonal bitch and choose to kill you?" Sam exclaimed. "If that's what you have say then yes!" Jess replied

Sam looked her square in the eyes saying " "I'm not Dean. I'm not strong enough to handle this." "Strength isn't always something you just have. You sometimes need to choose it" Jess replied. Sam was shocked at his girlfriend's wise words. He looked down the hallway toward the place he had been avoiding for almost an hour. Sam got up and started walking. Jess walked next to him, holding his hand.

When they fund the room, Sam slowly (and nervously) opened the door. He saw Dean and Cas on the bed together and turned to leave. The look on Jess's face made him continue into the room.

The couple notice the high schoolers walking in and Cas whispered to Dean "I'll give you and Sam some time alone." He got up and asked Jess to come with him for a cup of coffee. Sam noticed how tears stained not only Cas's face but Dean's as well.

Once Cas and Jess were gone, Sam took a seat on a seat on the bench by the window. He faced Dean and held his knees to his chest. The brothers sat in silence for awhile. Finally Sam said "I'm so sorry Dean. I..."

"You have no reason to be wasn't your fault. I should be saying sorry because I'm leaving you" Dean quickly came back. "Just let me talk. No interruptions. Please." Sam asked. Dean nodded and motioned for him continue.

"For as long as I can remember, you've been there. When I was hungry, somehow you got food. When I was sick, you made sure I got better. I remember one time you almost got arrested for trying to steal me a Christmas present." Sam smiled at the memory. "When Dad left you stepped up without thinking twice. You gotta job at thirteen, even almost gave up on school. And you never gave up on me. It just seems that as soon as you became happy, like genuinely happy with Cas, Fate took it away. I wish I had the cancer"

Dean opened his mouth to protest against his brother but remembered his promise. "I wish I had the cancer because this world needs a man willing to give his own future for someone else. I know you think I'm this naturally smart good kid but I'm not. My whole life I didn't do one damn thing to make anyone proud but you. Because if you were proud, than the world might have a second good guy"

Sam felt the tears sliding down his face. He found finding the words to say was easier than he thought. He meant every word, every letter. The man named John Winchester might have been his biological father but Dean was always there when John wasn't. And he was dying.

"Sam... You couldn't have been a better little brother. I don't have one ounce of me that's not proud of you." dean stated. Sam ran from his seat over to his brother and hugged him. "You have to do something for me, Sammy. Get your ass somewhere. Don't end up stuck here, get out there and do something great" Dean whispered into Sam's ear. "I will, Dean. I-I'll be some big shot lawyer or something" Sam sadly smiled.

Dean looked at his brother and smiled. There was no way in hell Sam couldn't go somewhere. And it made him happy enough to die in peace.

**Please Review**


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